Valentine's Day Cards - PG-13
Title: Valentine's Day Cards, Courtesy of Nishikido Ryo with the help of Happy Bunny
Author: Kamika Farinas aka tinyangl
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3208
Characters: NewS, KAT-TUN, Random Yabu and Hikaru insert. Main Character = Ryo's asshole-ish tendencies.
Summary: Ryo has a tradition of leaving interesting cards for everyone on Valentine's day.
Author's Note: First of all, credit to all the "cards" goes to Happy Bunny which is one of the funniest things in the world. Second, there really is no point to this fic other than to have Ryo being an ass to pretty much everyone. So um, if you expect plot, turn back. Written for Jemz's 24 Hour Valentine's Day Fic Challenge (which has absolutely fabulous other fic that were written). Thanks to swtjemz for listening to me, helping me and giving me the entire damn idea. @.@ Also, thanks to partypaprika for listening to me too. XP I panic fast. @.@
Other Participants: acchikocchi | agirlcalledkil | anamuan | devetir | honooko | imwahyou | iverin | jackoweskla | jadedfrenzy | jnessap | ky_rin | mousapelli | pearljemz | peroxidepest17 | procreational | shatteredinu | soucieux | thawrecka | tinyangl | tokyostory


When the first thing people see when they enter the company building is a big card with the words "It's all about me, deal with it." with the name "Nishikido Ryo" signed in a flourish right underneath it, it takes them about five seconds before people sigh and figure out exactly what day it is.

"Valentine's," Yabu sighs to Hikaru as they enter the building. "Always when Nishikido-kun rears his ugly head."

"My head's anything, but ugly, Yabu. Reach puberty before you can say something like that," Ryo snaps as he passes by, not even giving the two a second glance.

Yabu and Hikaru blink at the departing Ryo before exchanging glances with each other. "Did you know he knew your name?" Hikaru asks, eyebrow raised.

Yabu shrugs nonchalantly as he starts walking towards their room. "No, but I'm a little impressed."

~*~

As has become tradition, Ryo leaves cards throughout the span of the day - making it a bit of a surprise once one finds it (and makes people curious as well as Koki still can't figure out how Ryo had gotten it into his bento the year before).

Kame's groan echoes through the break room as he discovers his card inside his desk drawer where he keeps all the make-up. "I really didn't want to be first," he grumbles as Jin and Koki rush around him to read it. (Nobody else had arrived yet.) "To: The "Had too much eyeliner in the Lips PV and should've known better" Idiot."

"I'll be nicer, when you're smarter."

Jin immediately cracks up as Koki snorts. "Whose smartness are we comparing this to? Jin's?"

"Then doesn't that mean Ryo should be nice to me?" Kame says dryly, twirling the card in between his fingers in lieu of a pen.

Jin goes quiet, glaring before sticking out his tongue. "Well, he didn't give me the card, now did he?"

Koki exchanges a grin with Kame before retorting, "That's probably because he has something better planned for you."

Jin sighs a little, frowning as he slumps into a chair. "Probably." The two in the room snicker.

~*~

Inside the NewS break room, only Koyama, Ryo and Shige are around as Koyama starts humming some random song that sounds way too upbeat for that time of morning (aka 10 am). Ryo groans loudly as he flips through a magazine, not really paying that much attention to it. "Must you sing whatever junk that is?"

Koyama frowns. "It's a song for Valentine's, Ryo-chan! Get in the spirit!"

Shige snorts from the table. "Koyama, this is Nishikido-kun."

Koyama shrugs. "And I try every year. It's a tradition?"

Ryo rolls his eyes just as Koyama discovers his card in between the couch cushions. Koyama picks it up, giving Ryo a confused look. "The couch cushions?"

Ryo laughs, shaking his head slightly. "You found it anyway, didn't you?" Shige stiffles his snort of laughter as Koyama actually ponders that. "Just read the card already," Ryo sighs after more than a minute has passed.

"Oh!" Koyama turns over the card, away from the "To: The single eye-lidded and forever talkative member of NewS."

"I know how you feel, I just don't care."

Koyama blinks a little, holding up the card to Ryo. "Appropriate much?"

Ryo shrugs. "I call it good timing."

"I call it Koyama being predictable," Shige says, shaking his head.

Ryo cracks a grin. "Or that." Koyama chucks the couch cushions at both of them.

~*~

Ryo only happens to be visiting the KAT-TUN break room when the next cards are discovered; Ryo says he's just here to bother the idiot - nobody's sure if he means Jin or Kame, judging by the card he'd left him. Koki finds his inside his hat which is a little disturbing since he'd been wearing it. ("How do you do that?!" Koki asks, completely thrown. Ryo only smiles at him cheekily.)

Ueda finds his inside his guitar case, rolling his eyes when he happens to read the card's message first.

"Hey, you made me throw up a little," Ueda reads dryly. He gives Ryo a bored expression. "The feeling is reciprocated." Ryo only gives him a cocky grin before making a hand motion for Ueda to flip it over, which he does with an eye roll. "To: The one with the pathetic Gackt obsession that he should really get over," Ueda shakes his head. "Get new material, Nishikido. You've used the same one for the past couple of years."

Ryo shrugs. "Why fix what's not broken?" He turns to face Koki who'd been staring at his card throughout the entire exchange.

Jin pokes him on the shoulder. "What's it say?" He leans over, resting his chin against Koki's shoulder before snickering.

"I'm not saying I'm cool. That's your job." Koki tosses the card onto the table, before leaning against the back of his chair, facing Ryo. "How does that even apply to me?"

"If you hadn't ignored the first part," Ryo starts, pushing the front legs of his chair off the ground and leaning against the desk behind him. "You'd understand the card just a little better."

Koki sighs before grabbing the card again and reading off it. "To: The one who tries too hard to be cool by being gangsta but should cut his hair and stop looking like a vampire." He looks up at Ryo. "Isn't this too much to write in that small space?"

Kame plucks the card from Koki's hand, looking it over. "He's right though. You've been steadily looking more like a vampire."

Koki frowns, looking around the room for someone to defend him.

"Maybe it's his inspiration?" Nakamaru jokes which only leads Koki to throw a rolled up ball of paper at his forehead.

"Count Koki~" Taguchi says in the type of voice made for reading horror books, then proceeds to laugh manically, except with Taguchi, it ends up sounding more like one of those fake evil laughs. Everyone stares at him for a long moment, even after he dies down - all with the same incredulous look on their face.

Jin turns to Ryo after a long moment of silence. "Please tell me his card is good," he almost pleads.

Ryo, who still can't stop staring at Taguchi who has moved on to focusing on his video game, says, "I'm starting to think it's not good enough anymore." With that, he promptly walks out of the room.

"It's like a bad bonding experience," Kame sighs as he settles into the chair Ryo'd been using.

~*~

Tegoshi finds his inside his locker - actually taped inside, which Tegoshi's a little amazed by. "How'd you even get inside?" Tegoshi asks Ryo as he settles into Ryo's lap.

Ryo shrugs nonchalantly. "Secrets only I know."

Tegoshi laughs, leaning his forehead against Ryo's. "I won't tell anyone," he whispers lightly.

Someone coughs loudly and Tegoshi pouts as he pulls away from Ryo. "You should read your card," Yamapi advises Tegoshi, shooting Ryo a dirty look.

Ryo only grins back at him cheekily.

"To: The self-centered one with no ill intent, except when he's using the self-centeredness to his advantage," Tegoshi reads, laughing slightly.

Shige snorts. "Which is pretty much all the time, right?" He settles into the seat next to Yamapi, shaking his head.

"Maa-maa," Koyama starts. "It's not like that at all, Shige. Tegoshi doesn't take advantage of us." All heads face Tegoshi who blinks at them innocently; Ryo tries to hide his snort of laughter.

Massu takes a bite of a muffin. "Read on, Tegoshi!"

"Un!" Tegoshi flips the card over and promptly bursts into giggles with Ryo re-reading it from behind him. "Cute but psycho. Things even out," Tegoshi reads, trying not to giggle too much.

There's a bit of silence before Shige says grudgingly, "He always gets the nicer ones."

Yamapi shrugs. "Ryo has a soft spot for him, obviously."

"Hey!" Ryo protests. "I do not."

Everyone's eye follows Tegoshi's figure sitting on Ryo's lap before giving Ryo a look that asked him who he was kidding.

Ryo frowns. "Fine. I'll show you next year then."

Tegoshi beams brightly. "Really? I'll get a genuinely snarky card from Ryo-tan? I can't wait!" He wraps his arms around Ryo and squeezes tightly.

The four don't even bother to hide their snickers as they watch Ryo's face drop. "That'll be one hell of a card," Shige snerks.

Ryo shoots him a dirty look. "You still have your card coming up."

Shige grins mischievously. "I look forward to it."

~*~

Ryo doesn't even bother coming up with an excuse when the next card is found - right when he enters actually which startles KAT-TUN as they wonder just how Ryo's able to do it when he's not even in the room to hide them.

"What are you, God?" Kame snaps, perturbed when Taguchi finds his card inside the desk drawer where he keeps all his video games.

"Yeah, Kame," Ryo says dryly, "I'm the one you're competing with to win Meisa's heart. Don't touch. It's a lost cause." He settles into a chair as he watches Taguchi examine his card for a brief second.

"To: The one who thinks puns are a good idea when they only get him hit more," Taguchi reads. He looks up at Ryo quizzically, "Puns aren't fun?"

Ryo stares at him for a long moment before Jin smacks Taguchi over the head. "That's a rhyme, not a pun," Jin snaps.

Ryo sighs. "At least you beat me to it."

Taguchi holds his head, laughing slightly. "I knew that!" He promptly starts reading the actual message. "It's cute how stupid you are."

There's a long air of silence before Koki speaks up. "That's... kinda complimentary in a round-about way."

"Ryo-chan always does things in round-about ways!" Jin says cheerfully, before pausing. "Wait. Does that mean Ryo-chan thinks Taguchi's cute?" His face drops quickly as he turns to Ryo, aghast. "You think Taguchi's cute?!"

Ryo growls. "Not the part to focus on."

Nakamaru snorts. "What part should we be focusing on then? What you've been paying attention to without our knowledge?" He shoots Ryo a challenging look.

Taguchi blinks at them all confused. "Huh? What's going on?"

"Never mind," Ryo snaps, throwing the closest object - an empty water bottle - at Nakamaru's head. "Just read yours."

"What? I don't even ha-" Nakamaru starts before he realizes that the water bottle had his card taped to its surface. Slowly, Nakamaru takes it off the bottle as Koki blurts out, "How the fuck did you do that?!"

Ryo just shoots him a look and Koki holds his hands up in mock defense.

"He'd tell you, but then he'd have to shoot you," Jin says teasingly. Ryo just rolls his eyes.

"To: The one that's not normal, even though people keep saying so (and you should listen because they're right)," Nakamaru reads before shaking his head towards the end. "Isn't that just contradictory?" he asks Ryo who smiles at him.

"There is always wisdom in my words," Ryo says, attempting to sound sage.

Ueda snickers. "What he really means is that he had no idea what to write so just scribbled nonsense." Ryo throws a wadded ball of paper at him which Ueda dodges and chucks back at him. Ueda misses and Ryo sneers at him.

Kame shakes his head as he watches the two. "Read the rest of the card?"

As soon as Nakamaru flips the card over, his face drops and he glares at Ryo, gritting through his teeth. "You're ugly and that's sad."

Taguchi's the first to react, slapping his hand against his knee and laughing. "His is worse than mine!"

Koki, whose jaw had dropped, nods slowly. "Surprisingly." He shoots a look at Ryo, "Did you mix them up by mistake?"

Ryo glares at Koki. "Are you doubting me?"

Jin chimes in helpfully. "When do we not?" Ryo glares at his supposed best friend who only grins back. "I haven't gotten my card yet. I get to make fun of your choices."

Ryo grunts as he gets up. "You'll get it with Pi like always."

As Ryo heads for the open door, Nakamaru chucks the empty bottle at his head. When Ryo turns around, smarting from the throw, Nakamaru apologizes mockingly, "Sorry, aimed for the waste basket! But your big head was in the way." The members try to hide their snickers, at least a little better about it than NewS had been.

Ryo grumbles as he walks out.

~*~

By chance, Ryo walks in just as Massu opens his bento and discovers his card taped to the top lid. "Ugh," Ryo growls as he settles back onto the couch. "Was waiting all day for you to open your damn lunch."

Massu blinks innocently. "Why would you put it here of all places?"

Shige snorts. "Because that's where he always puts your cards."

There's a long pause as Massu actually tries to remember the past years' valentines. "Huh!" He finally says. "You do!"

Yamapi laughs. "Why don't you just read it, Massu?"

"To: The piggie who never seems to stop going to the market," Massu laughs shakily as the members laugh at the words, Ryo even cracks a small smile. "Is there a joke there that I'm missing?"

"It's a nursery rhyme," Shige explains. "It's one of the-" Koyama stops him when Massu's eyes start to glaze over. "Er, it's just a nursery rhyme," Shige says, just stopping there.

"Oh! Okay!" Massu says enthusiastically before flipping the card over. "Hating you makes me all warm inside," Massu reads.

Instantly the members freeze as Ryo smirks. "A little harsh, Ryo-chan," Koyama hisses at Ryo who only shakes his head.

"No worries, just watch," Ryo says just as Massu slowly allows the words to register; Tegoshi reaches out, putting a hand firmly on Massu's shoulder.

"Massu..." he starts, unsure of where to go from there.

"That's a good thing, right?" Massu says cheerfully. "I'm glad I make you all warm inside! Ryo-chan sure compliments in weird ways, ne, Tegoshi?" He turns to look at Tegoshi who gives him a shaky smile.

"Er, yeah! Definitely a compliment!" Tegoshi says, throwing everyone a look that tells them they'd better be encouraging too or they'll hear from him.

"Yeah!" Koyama pumps his fist in the air. "Ryo-chan sure knows how to show his affection!"

Ryo leans towards Koyama. "Told you." Koyama discretely elbows him.

Shige flips open one of his books at that point and sighs when the pages open to a card lodged in between two pages. "Predictable," Shige mutters underneath his breath.

"Don't you mean you?" Ryo retorts as Yamapi puts a hand on Shige's arm, comforting him, holding him back - whichever was more needed.

"Let's get this over with," Shige growls.

"Hey! This is a fun moment," Ryo snaps. "I put a lot of thought into these cards in order for people to enjoy them."

"People or just you?"

The other members watch as Ryo and Shige glare at each other before Koyama plucks Shige's card out of his hands, reading it outloud despite Shige's attempts to steal the card back.

"To: The brainiac who uses his book smarts to attempt to win everything (and fail trying)," Koyama says, laughing slightly.

"You know," Tegoshi points out, "that barely has any insult in it."

Ryo stares at Tegoshi. "Yes, it does. Don't even kid about that kind of things, Tego-nyan."

Massu pauses, pouting as he thinks about it. "No, I think Tegoshi's right. That doesn't have the same bite as my card did."

Ryo's jaw drops. Koyama's too busy laughing, clutching at his stomach to defend against Shige's attempts to grab his card back. Finally grabbing it back, Shige relaxes, before Yamapi takes it out of his hands.

"Hey!" Shige protests as Yamapi says, "School prepares you for the real world which also sucks."

There's a long pause before Yamapi faces Ryo seriously. "Ryo-chan. I think you've lost your touch."

Ryo throws a pillow cushion at Yamapi's face. "You're up next, idiot. Say that after you see it."

Yamapi snorts. "At this rate, I don't think I'll have anything to worry about."

Shige finally snatches his card back, stuffing it back in his book. "I think that Yamashita-kun's right on this one for once."

"Exac- Wait, for once?!" Yamapi frowns at Shige who only shrugs at him.

"Is Shige becoming the next Ryo?" Massu asks loudly.

Koyama stares at Shige. "I hope not."

"There can only be one of me, thanks," Ryo snaps, glaring at Shige.

"Hey! I don't want to be you!" Shige growls as he crosses his arms.

Ryo grins. "You could never be this awesome."

~*~

As was also tradition for Ryo, the last two to get their cards get them together after work. And instead of some intricate or elaborate or devious way of finding their card, Ryo gives it to them face to face (or side by side really) as they're eating ramen at some random restaurant.

"Why don't we get some special intricate plan?" Jin complains as Ryo passes him his card first.

"Because I don't wanna waste braincells on you idiots, obviously," Ryo snaps, passing Yamapi his card as well.

Yamapi looks at the back side, shaking his head in laughter as he reads the "To: The one with the awkward photo shoot whose boobs were bigger than thegirl model." Yamapi snorts. "You never fail to bring that up, don't you?"

Ryo smirks. "Why would I ever not want to?"

Yamapi pauses, before shrugging. "Point taken."

Jin reads his next. "To: The fat one who'll never get a hot photoshoot like Pi's or mine - go on a diet, idiot." Towards the end, Jin's voice falters before he snaps, "Hey! I so will get a photoshoot, just you watch."

"I'm sure," Ryo sneers.

Jin sticks his tongue out which Ryo returns with an eye roll. Yamapi sighs. "Okay, kids. Just read the rest of your card, Jin."

Jin sighs, flipping the card over just as Yamapi starts to eat some of his ramen. "It's not my fault you're dumb," Jin reads dryly. Yamapi starts choking and Ryo pounds on Yamapi's back, cackling. "I'm sure you've contributed, Ryo-chan."

Ryo shrugs. "Not in the "I've made you hit your head against walls" kind of way." He grins cheekily in Jin's direction. "You've done that well enough yourself."

"You are so lucky that Yamapi's between us," Jin growls at Ryo while Yamapi still struggles to breath.

"What, so you can smush me with your fat?"

Jin's eyes only narrow. He elbows Yamapi. "Turn yours over. Let's see what mean message he gave you."

Yamapi turns it over and promptly starts cracking up all over again. Jin frowns when he sees the card. Yamapi struggles to form words, "I see I got special treatment."

Ryo grins. "I thought it was my best work yet."

"So is it me to you or from you to me?" Yamapi asks, almost seriously. Jin snatches the card from Yamapi's hand.

"Why does he get a nice card?" Jin whines.

"Because I actually like him," Ryo retorts.

Yamapi pats Jin on the back. "It's okay, Jin. At least your card was kinda nice?"

Jin stares. "In what way?"

"I don't know," Yamapi says shrugging. "I just thought it sounded nice."

"You're no help!" Jin pouts.

"I'm surprised you thought he would be," Ryo retorts.

"Point," Jin says with a sigh. Ryo laughs at the look on Yamapi's face.

~*~

What nobody knows is that Ryo has his own little tradition at the end of Valentine's day. He makes a card all for himself and every year it's always the same message - but he uses actual pictures with it. And this year, Ryo added in a picture taken during Johnny's Countdown with all the groups together. He puts it up next to his mirror and grins whenever he sees it.

"I love boys. They're stupid."

Ryo think that encompasses everything he does for the day.